my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
