We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
