This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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