The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
