Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
