Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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