Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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