You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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