happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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