Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
