Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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