So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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