i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
