I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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