yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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