I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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