Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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