just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
