she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
