it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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