So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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