Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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