I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
