You're my little dorito
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
