we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
