And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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