I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
