Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
