ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
