So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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