i just google imaged poop.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
