She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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