I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
