I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
