She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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