Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sex in a hospital.. check
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
