Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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