Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
