Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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