I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
