My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
