that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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