so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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