So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
