I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
