wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
