I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
