I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
