love makes seman taste better
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
