I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
