Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
