Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
