I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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