I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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