that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
