hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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