Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
