why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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