I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
