I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
